Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
