you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
