you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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