Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
how drunk are you?
Several
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
