He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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