Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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