It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I supernannyed him into submission
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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