There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she peed on how many people?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
