your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
