I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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