ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
