It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize