i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
