Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
