Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
