The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize