She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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