girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
