Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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