im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
