Will you blow on my dice?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
