woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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