The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
