is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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