I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
