you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
