I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
