Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
