God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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