Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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