i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i came on her dog
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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