turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
