This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
