____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
