I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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