I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
