operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
