I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
