well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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