3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
