Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I will be naked everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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