my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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