Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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