Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
