whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you win again, gameday.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
