operation have a gay friend backfired
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did we literally take a cab across the street
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
