Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
