Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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