I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You left your phone here
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