woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
