so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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