Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
