cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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