So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
