My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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