I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"it" just moved
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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