If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize