We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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