what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
