I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
