Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
