I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Boobs speak an international language.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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