he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
