I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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