Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
