youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
