I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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